“A lot of sports are about motor skills, not behavioral skills,” Stoll said. “It doesn’t happen magically because you walk or ride a bike or run,” he added. The dilemma among coaches is this: what are you willing to do to win?
Some schools are taking deliberate steps to incorporate alphabet teaching into their sports programs. At the Menlo School in California, for example, water polo coach Jack Bowen provides a model for how coaches and schools can develop character development for women on their teams. Bowen believes that sports teams provide a natural environment for teaching moral reasoning because ethical lapses occur frequently in sports — and the children who play are a captive audience for learning.
The team’s ethics education begins during the preseason, when Bowen assigns the players articles to read. Most of the news has nothing to do with sports. He then asks the youth to discuss what they have learned, first in small groups and then as a whole group; Small groups allow for more emotional risk-taking, Bowen said.
The team is also focused on the athletic department’s mission statement that promotes four core ideas: the pursuit of excellence, celebrating the team, honoring the game and maintaining strong values. A conversation is not a one-time event. Instead, Bowen presents the players’ opinions on behavioral challenges that arise throughout the season, striving to align the goal with what they do in practice and during games.
During the 2025 season, for example, Bowen saw one of Menlo’s players tauntingly wave at an opposing youth player when that player made a foul play. Because he cared about youth development and believed in the principles that guided the team, Bowen pulled his own player out of the pool.
“I had to do it and the team understood,” said Bowen. It was not a punishment, he added. Afterward, the coach and player talked at length about what had happened and how taunting the opponent, even subtly, embarrassed the game.
Sean Spellman, head basketball coach at Roxbury Latin School in Massachusetts, emphasizes the informal concept of character building on his teams.
“It starts with the philosophy of the school and knowing and loving each athlete,” Spellman told me. “There’s real care and communication there, no matter what they’re like as a defensive basketball player.”
This year, he gave a 65-question survey to a group that went beyond sports. Who do they like? When do they feel the best – and the worst? During the weekly film session, which Spellman uses to personally connect with the players, he introduced “Teammate Jeopardy” to encourage the kids to learn about each other. Like Bowen, Spellman engages the group in collective discussions: What does it mean to be proud to be a part of the Roxbury Latin community? What are we doing here? While highlighting the youth’s performance, Spellman assures the youth that their basketball skills do not diminish their value to the team as a person.
He strives to make the character of the sportsman stick, even in the most intense moments of the game. Spellman will “burn the timeout,” as he puts it, reminding players during tough games that it’s how they deal with the high-end experience that matters most, because they’ll have a lot more to deal with as they get older. “I appreciate this high school sports experience,” she said.
Coaches need help figuring out how to balance competing goals. To achieve that, a student with a Dr. Stoll, Samantha Lewis, hosts a podcast to help them talk about some of the behavioral issues they will encounter. The Coach’s Problem: What Will You Do to Succeed? It talks about moral thoughts, trash talk, the impact of Name, Image, Similarity Deals and more.
Both coaches say the broader culture makes these subjects difficult to teach. Spellman lamented how team sports have turned into individual game drives, with kids arguing about their metrics outside of the team.
“He’s trying to sell something that can’t be taught in our community,” said Bowen. Stoll reminded me that children and youth need guidance to develop character through sports. They need role models, a supportive environment and formal and informal education.
